blood in my mouth beats blood on the ground.

I am going to complain about my generation again, surprise surprise.
Just a heads up if you aren't in the mood for sass.

Why is everything disposable to us?

 "I just got this stupid iPhone 4S a month ago it sucks, I need the 5."

I am sick to death of hearing incessant complaining from you little brats. I am sorry but seriously, come on. Maybe I see things differently because nothing was handed to me in my life. I understood that if something was wanted you worked your ass off until it was yours. If it wasn't up to your expectations and you regretted the purchase, well...that's unfortunate because now you are stuck with it. I feel like I am constantly overhearing stories of everyone's parents getting them out of things. You are an adult. Seriously? This isn't the olden days when we would all be living with our parents until marriage at the tender age of twenty. This is 2012. Graduate school, get off your ass, move out. Grow up. Don't complain to me about money because your parents make you pay your own rent. Do you even know how much your bills are? Let alone pay them? One of my friends recently discovered that I don't receive financial assistance from anyone (an adult taking care of themselves, shocker I know) and her response was "How do you even afford all of that?" Well, you see budgeting isn't hard when you know you don't have mommy and daddy right behind you if you default. Guess what happens if grown ups don't follow through with responsibilities? They get their things taken away by the nice man at the bank and get slapped with a credit score that will consistently bend them over for the entirety of their lives. "What's a credit score?" Shut up.

You can't sign a lease, buy a car, or take out a house loan then turn around and say "Nah, I don't want this anymore." That isn't how life works. You make a big kid decision, and you stick with it. Is that why marriages don't last anymore? People make big decisions knowing that all they have to do is change their minds and they are done? There isn't accountability for anything. Since when does life give you exactly what you want when you want it? Where can I sign up for this? Anyone? 

Moral of the story, do you know how lucky we are? To even have access to read this blog? To go in your bathroom and excrete the hoards of overly available food into water cleaner than most of the world drinks? Sometimes I hate how hard it is to maintain a comfortable life; it's stressful, expensive, depressing at times. But when you get right down to it, I thank my lucky stars that I am able to do it. I respect my life, and I know wherever it goes will be because of me and me alone. It's a great feeling, try it. 

baby it's cold outside

     I don't think it is any secret that my sister and I are close. Matching tattoos, twin telepathy, finish each others' sentences, hold hands in public, obnoxious close. Last summer if you asked me about her going away for school I would have told you how worried I was about her. "I hope she adjusts, I hope she is happy, etc.." What I should have realized is I was the one who would need adjusting. Adding something to an equation is easy; taking it away is the hard part. I will be the first to admit this year has been tough. Her first year away from home and in turn, my first year away from her, took a toll on our relationship. The past months have helped me realize that despite what I may think, I need her just as much as she needs me. Maybe more. 

    It is safe to say the two of us have never had a peaceful Holiday; there is always some sort of dysfunction that is out of our control trying to mess up our desperate attempts at a "normal" season, a "normal" family. Some people dread the next three months for this very reason.They are our absolute favorite. No matter what is going on I always know that the two of us will have at least one perfect, Norman Rockwell memory to look back on in the future. Boyfriends, husbands, step families, blood relatives, best friends, they all come and go. I am lucky to have one constant and one best friend every Christmas, this year being no different.
I said it in my post last year, it is so easy to get caught up in what we think our Holidays should be.
Start positivity early, don't let yourself get trampled by disappointment in 2012. Stop and take the time to look around you and feel the warmth of what you have rather than day dreaming of the frigid "what ifs."

if I only had a brain.

One of my favorite things about this blog is the fact that I have the freedom to say whatever I want. It is the most perfect form of an outlet. At first I felt uncomfortable with the fact that there was nowhere to hide. But  honestly, that is the greatest thing about writing. It's raw. Words are thoughts. Thoughts are feelings. Everything you read on this page is a direct string plucked from my very being. I keep the style casual because my readers are my friends and that is what I do here, talk to my friends. Sometimes the things I have to say show vulnerability and my callous nature; I don't hide behind anonymity. You all know who it is that is speaking to you through these poorly punctuated sentences..me. My face is right at the top of the page for lord's sake.

I love hearing from you guys. The texts, emails, and comments I receive mean so much to me because it fills my heart knowing that I am helping someone feel a little less alone. Of course, where there is love for me..there is also hate for me. I actually don't mind, I still love those of you who disagree with me and let me know. I have had several conversations with people over disagreements with the things I say here. But every time I feel we both walk away with a little bit of understanding for the others' views. I love that. That my friends, is called a grown up conversation.

With that being said, don't leave hacked up, hateful, anonymous comments to me. If you want to remain unnamed because you don't want your ex to read that you too, are still in love with them, that is completely fine. I am the one who chooses for my name to be on this page, you don't have to. Though, if you are hiding behind a computer screen to sling insults and half witted comments, take that bologna to MySpace. This is an outlet. A place for others and myself to express thoughts and feelings in order to gain emotional freedom and insight; not to be judged and told their feelings are wrong. If you want to let me know on my last post that no one will ever love me while I am still sucking all my exes, that is fine. But have the figurative balls to put a name to it. I will gladly publish it.

hemingway?

Okay, now don't quote me on this but I want to say it was Hemingway that is known to have said "Write drunk, edit sober." Well folks, that is what I am doing this evening. Sometimes you just have to let your inhibitions down and say what you feel. Although I think it is a well-known fact that I do this even whilst sober. Oh well. It may turn out that I just make even less sense than usual when my BAC is up. Le us see, shall we? Today I would like us to talk about exes.



My question is, what in the hell is the big deal? I am just sitting here unpacking my room, (I recently moved, come on over y'all!) and finding loads upon loads of old memories. Pictures, ticket stubs, letters, etc. If I found an old picture of Krissy and I, we would be laughing at it and sharing "remember whens." Why is it different when it is someone you have been with? Just because you have a conversation with someone does not mean you are automatically betrothed. I could see if you are one of the hot messes that texts things like "I LOUVE YOU PLEESE COME OVERRS" to your former lovers, but if it is far enough behind in a life stage who even cares? If I wanted you so badly I wouldn't have let you go in the first place. But I did, because sometimes people are meant to live a parallel life while others are meant to cross your path for a short while then carry on their merry way. I think as adults we accept this.

I love every single person I have dated. I wouldn't get back with a single one. Contradictory? Actually, no.
The one thing that really attracted me to the person in the first place never leaves. I will forever love our chemistry. The way you made me laugh. Your body, sorry but I had a shallow time in my life, sue me. Your musical tastes. Your sincerity. Our ability to flawlessly converse. Your drunken temper. Your inability to keep it in your pants. Your wishy washy decisions.Your disrespect. Your refusal to commit. While you, you're just plain dumb. Some things never change.

Why isn't it acceptable to continue to love these things, only in a different light? I can still appreciate someone's good qualities without wanting to jump their bones and breed their children. I think it is a childish notion to believe that two people are more apt to end up together simply because they have been in the past. Especially considering that the way young adults are these days, they will bump uglies without the knowledge of even a last name. With that being said, [perhaps you should be more leery of the strangers your significant other comes in contact with than the known former ball and chains.

Every one of my ex boyfriends could call me at four am needing anything in the world and I would be there. Because to me, when someone makes an impact on your life, no matter how small...it makes them matter. Why does being considerate have to have ulterior motives? Keep in mind that not everyone in the world fits the stereotype society puts them in. Your girlfriend's ex wasn't trying to bend her over when he brought her home from the bar. When your boyfriend's ex texts about a random thought/question, it doesn't mean she is trying to marry him. Appreciate your past; it will help you accept your future.

coddle buddy.

I will openly admit it, I am a little rough around the edges. I am a very passionate person. I have a sharp tongue and I don't feel the need to censor myself nine times out of ten. However, I am generally a nice person.

Anyone coming in contact with me at any given time has at least a few chances to show me who they are with no judgments passed or assumptions made. But let me be the first to say I have been pulling back the reigns on the niceties I usually offer people. Perhaps it is just the group I surround myself with on a day to day basis, perhaps others have felt my frustration, but...people are ridiculous. What happened to accountability? Work ethic? Honesty? Respect?
The lack of people which actually contain these ideals is astounding.

My parents were not shining examples of perfection; but I was raised to understand the value of things such as a job, making your own way, independence, and hard work. I lived the life of a Huxtable, not a Banks. What confuses me the most is that I was a child through the nineties-two thousands, not the fifties. What exactly is your excuse? We were raised in the same generation and financial class yet you act like you have no idea how to function in society. I'm sorry Paris, would you like me to teach you how to balance that checkbook?

I work in a very casual, easy to function environment with the highest turnaround of any place I've ever seen. Do you know why? Because people just flat out don't think they should have to do their jobs.
"I have to clean? I quit." "You're scheduling me on a day I want to drink? I'm not showing up"
I'm sorry...what?! I have been working for a very long time, because that is what normal human beings do. Pay their bills. Earn money to buy the things they want and pay for the comforts we all expect in this country.

People are lazy, because we allow them to be. Kids don't understand things, because we don't make them. Teenagers don't have work ethic, because they don't need to. How about a little more tough love and a less coddling? How about a little faith that people can in fact do things for themselves?

gentlemen prefer nature girls.

One of my favorite things to do as a child was going out in the woods. It didn't matter if it was ten trees, or an amount so thick that light was barely seen. It was a different world to me. I could be Pocahontas if I wanted to be, and there was no one around to tell me any differently.

To this day I would choose a trip to a national park over one to the beach. I personally don't see the appeal of the sand and salt water over lush greens and bustling wildlife. Nature is nature, and it is all beautiful, but give me a boggy smelling pond over a cloudy ocean scene any day.

It isn't cool to love the outdoors anymore. Why? Even as adults people are so quick to throw out labels. Why is it that every girl my age in a small town is supposed to aspire to move to Chicago? If you don't want to do that you must just be "small town." Oh wait, you aren't into fashion and bump-its? You're a tomboy. You like working out and eating right? Dyke. You read? Nerd. Stop it, honestly. It is so unattractive to put people in groups. Especially if you are over the age of fifteen. Even worse is trying to "figure someone out," people aren't puzzles, nothing needs to be figured out.

I suppose what I am getting at here is this: I am a strange bird. I realize this. My parents have known since day one I have been told. I like antiquing, hiking, just sitting in grass, reading, talking to strangers, feeling the sun on my face without a stitch of make up. Why is it so hard for us to accept that people can be okay with being weird? I refuse to change these quirks for the sake of a man being interested in me. That's fine. Until I find my counterpart of strange, I will keep telling guys I'm not available.

This person will sit in random grass with me. We will watch American Pickers, not One Tree Hill. The two of us will get lost in the woods, often. You will not see us grinding in a bar, ever. Our every move will not be broadcast on Facebook. He won't get mad at me for having a messy car; I won't get mad at him for not cutting his hair. He won't mind that I would rather walk or bike somewhere than drive. Bugs will never be killed for me, but he will catch them and put them outside. The greatest date I have ever been on was sitting on an old wooden platform looking at stars, talking about nothing. That is perfect, but he will top it. We will attend things like flea markets and outdoor concerts.

Maybe I should take out a personal ad, I don't know. All I know is that until I find what I'm looking for, I wish you'd leave me alone.

text rant.

If you have ever been romantically interested in me you probably know that I hate

texting as a form of communication. I think it is single handedly the most detrimental thing to happen to love since online porn sites. Since when does moving your fingers across an iPhone screen constitute courtship? Lately I feel like I have caught a lot of slack for being "hard" on guys. I have been called everything from cold and heartless, to a man-eating shrewd. All I have to say in response to that is sorry for refusing to settle for a caveman whose idea of getting

my attention is a poke on Facebook and a "hey" text message twenty times a day. I am not asking for a boombox outside my window and love poems on the reg, but is that really your idea of giving a woman attention? I don't care how many times you text me "Hey let's hang out," the answer will always be no. Have you ever picked up a phone? Phone calls are not an item of folklore that died in the 1980's. They are alive and well, not to mention very effective. Text messages contain no emotion

s. I don't care if you put twenty five cheesy smileys after your question. Still nothing. You can write me six 160 character pages about the way you feel toward me but until you prove it in real life, I am going to ignore every letter of it.

Girls' Facebook statuses are always plastered about how big of liars men are, which constantly makes me wonder what they consider lying. If typing some bologna into a text box would get you boob pictures, you would probably do it too. It isn't right, but it's true. I mean, on the other hand, ladies would you really do everything in real life that you promise via "sext?" No. Because TEXTING IS NOT TALKING. Your inbox is not life. If someone can look you in the eyes and make a promise to you, that is a real and legitimate interaction. It's so easy to lie to people through a cell phone.

"Yeah, of course we can hang out soon!"

"I miss you :("

"I love you"
"Sorry, I didn't have my phone."

Lies, The lot of it.

It is so easy to be douchetastic these days. If you make someone mad, hurt their feelings, or blatantly lie to them, the solution is simple. You don't have to text them back. Which is horrible, but I think that's the reason people love it so much. There is no accountability to actions in the world of Autocorrect and T9 Word. However, despite the impersonal nature of the whole thing, texting is a form of words...and words can hurt. You can even take this as far as cyber-bullying; people just aren't the same across a wi-fi connection.

The disconnect between real people turns us all into some degree of sociopath, don't you think? No one says what they mean. No one cares what lies they tell after the sent button is tapped. Cheating in relationships is simplified. Ditching one night stands is easier than ever. Fibbing to friends is just a click away.

Obviously no one who reads this is going to cut texting out of their daily lives. But maybe you should consider taking it out of your relationships. Would your Grandparents be celebrating their sixty year anniversary if they had met over Facebook and sexted their way into going steady? How about your parents? No, probably not.

Simplify your happiness, talk to someone.

take a sad song, and make it better.

Good morning everyone! I want to let you all know that I have been a hypocrite.
I am sure we have all gathered from this outlet that I am a pretty happy lady. Which is true; except lately. I have been miserable.

Stressed. Anxious. Bitchy. Emotional.
These adjectives should not be anywhere near me as a person.

The truth is, I am not happy with my life, and it's my own fault. But that isn't my point here. My point is; life is simple, happiness is simple. I have forgotten that lately and this week I am putting that mantra back into my decision making.

I've said it before and I will say it again. No one lives your life but you. No one else is allowed to tell you how to feel or what decisions to make, because they aren't making them or having to feel the way you do.

Life isn't short. It is actually pretty damn long. Which is scarier to me than the whole "short" theory. If you aren't enjoying the place where your life is now, and are continuing to do nothing about it...guess what? You are settling into decades upon decades of hating your life.

Ideally, one day you will be sitting at your awful desk job and the life fairy will appear out of thin air and grant you a better job and poof away your love handles as an added bonus. If anyone knows of that happening, give me a call. As far as I know, if you waste time simply hating your job and your fat ass, tomorrow you will still have a terrible occupation and a lumpy butt.

If you want Jillian Michaels' body, you aren't going to get it by wishing. If a job is making you miserable, it won't stop through positive thinking and no action. You must change your every day routine to improve your tomorrows.

I guess people see life as short because they waste too much of it. Once it has passed, we can't reclaim it. I don't want to look back on a single stage of my life and consider it wasted. Our crazy materialistic ideals are what bounds so many of us to a miserable life. Some people believe despite the words of my four favorites, in this economy and country, love is not all you need.

I say, isn't it though?

busted flat in baton rouge.

I don't think it is any secret that almost every human being with female genitalia is "addicted" to Pinterest. Myself included. It's a great place to put off being productive and find cute craft ideas, inspiring quotes, etc. However today I chose to look at the board titled "Beauty" and I couldn't help but laugh the entire time.

"How to get natural looking make up in eighteen easy steps."
"Acid peel..at home!"
"LOVE this lipstick, only $89.95!"

Don't get me wrong, I love make up as much as the next lady, but we as a society are absolutely ridiculous about it. It's a multimillion dollar industry that basically has no legitimate purpose if you really think about it.

I have a great one step system to getting that natural fresh faced look...it's called waking up. Perhaps a shower? Maybe going for a jog? Voila. Natural face. You're welcome.

I'm sorry, did you say home made acid? On my face? Okay..how about you go first on that one sister.

I don't know about you but I can list twenty two things I'd rather spend ninety dollars on. I don't know that I have ever had any lip complaints, hell I would call them borderline luscious and I rock out Wal-Mart chap stick.

If you have the money to spend on making yourself high maintenance, good for you lady, whatever floats your boat. But personally, I don't see the point. Odds are, you're beautiful. You probably don't realize this because you are too infatuated with the "potential of beauty" that various products are promising you. They're lying. You don't allow your peers to lie to you so why are you taking that foundation label's crap? If you stopped looking at what needs to be better maybe you'll realize what is already great.

Trust me, I could rattle off five things in two seconds that I dislike about my appearance. Everyone can. However, if you asked me to do the same about a friend, I wouldn't know where to start. We are harder on ourselves than we are on others. Our eyes aren't trained to find physical flaws in our loved ones, we simply see who they are. Something they despise about themselves may go completely unnoticed by others, or perhaps it is even a quirk that is loved by those same people. The point is, be friends with yourself. When you have a free moment, go stand in front of a mirror. Don't go into Mean Girls mode and pick yourself apart. Look into your eyes just as a friend does. After all, you are your own best friend. Chances are you will start to notice gorgeous things about yourself that you have always overlooked.

This may sound strange coming from a nineteen year old female, but my biggest beauty inspiration is Janis Joplin. Her wild haired head and euphoric smile hang largely on a poster right outside my bathroom. When anyone mentions her name, they aren't going to get a "Damn she's sexy!" in response..but you know what? I think she's beautiful. She didn't care what she looked like and the best part was..neither did anyone else. She was still iconic, wildly successful, even a cover girl. Because she was amazing, and everyone knew it.

I have a secret to tell; you are amazing. It's your job to let people know this fact, and it can be done no matter what you are wearing or what is or isn't on your face.
Passion is the best thing you can put in your eyes. A smile is the sexiest thing you can wear on your lips. Nothing brightens up a complexion like a quick dance around the room to your favorite song.

We all know you're beautiful. We know you're good enough. Why don't you?