big fish.

As much as I hate, no, despise admitting this...I have been voluntarily sucked into a small town rut. I'd like to say that this rut is specific to my hometown but to be completely honest I feel that every rural area has the same black hole effect. Now when I use the word voluntarily I do not mean consciously. That's the thing about getting sucked into the vortex that is Charleston, IL..you don't realize it is happening until it's damn near too late.
Let me explain what I mean by vortex. My grandparents grew up in the place locally known as "The Chuck, " as did my mother..and father, aunts, uncles, you get the point. The majority of people who grow up around here, stay around here. Which is completely fine. I have been lucky to grow up in an area that is a great place to have a life and raise a family.

But..

The life and options that Charleston offer are never what I wanted for myself.

Admittedly, kids who grow up around rural areas aren't given many of the options that kids in larger areas are given. There aren't high schools that condition us from the ninth grade to succeed in college. We go to schools on ridiculous public budgets with trash cans collecting leaks in the hallways, teachers that hate their jobs, and whose idea of college prep is handing out one-page practice ACT tests junior year. I can count on one hand the educators I have had throughout my entire life that maybe impacted my life in a positive way. We have little to no access or education on things such as internships, or even all of our career options as adults. I could write for hours about how ill-prepared many Charleston High School students are for the real world but that isn't exactly my issue here, nor my excuse.

What I'm wondering is why I gave up. I graduated from high school early to start my career off as soon as possible. Public Relations was the name of my game. I was going to get the hell out of dodge as soon as humanly possible.

When graduating high school I was the assistant manager at a retail store with a very successful and promising promotion track. Was it what I wanted? No. But I let those around me influence my choice into settling in to what was easy, rather than what I wanted. The deadline for my tuition deposit at my preferred university came and went, I sent nothing. That was it. I had made my choice. I started classes at the local community college and continued training at my store. Funny thing about stifling dreams though, they tend to creep back up and make you resent every single thing in your life you are currently settling for.

I quit the store. I stopped taking the classes.

Surprised? I wasn't.

Fast forward through a slump of being a bum more or less and here we are. I am by no means an unhappy person. I love my life despite it's current speed of going nowhere. Up until recently I was perfectly content with "I'll go back to school soon."

Now I don't know about you but sometimes I need to find a quiet place, with no notifications, tweets, or texts, and just think. I almost always have life changing epiphanies in these moments.

Truth is, you can put off your goals forever if you'd like. Honestly...no one cares. I could be a waitress/receptionist for the rest of my life and it wouldn't make a difference. The question you need to ask yourself is whether or not you're okay with settling into a life rather than choosing it. My answer to that question is absolutely not. Stop making excuses for yourself. You can legitimize literally anything inside of your own head, that will do nothing for you beside make you feel better about turning your back on your dreams. I realize it may seem easier to have this perspective as a nineteen year old, at times even I think it may be too late. I often feel behind, and I understand how easy it is to become discouraged and fall right back into the settling that I am trying to get you to avoid. But it isn't.
Even in the year that I have put off setting my life into motion I feel like I've gained so much insight and wisdom into what I want out of my future. Don't follow other people's time line.

Again, this is your life and yours only.

You make the choices. You make the changes. You live with yourself every single day.
Don't choose to live any one of those days with regrets.