all the wrong places

I think it is generally accepted that love will come to you when you least expect it. Perhaps you will find love in a relationship you otherwise thought to be platonic. Maybe you will be one of the few who is able to rekindle old love into something better, and new. Then again, you may find it in someone who could be considered a complete stranger up until your meeting. Love often comes to us at the most random times, you turn around one day and almost trip over it. My advice? Go ahead and trip, fall flat on your face. Hopefully, the person who tripped you will finally be the one to help you back up.

Of course it's easy to say that we all sit around patiently waiting for our moment to trip and fall but let's be honest with ourselves..humans are impatient. We live in an instant gratification society, and it is such an easy thing to get accustomed to. You want something? Here it is. Guess what? Love doesn't come in an instant gratification option. People not realizing that is what causes the settling I have talked about in an earlier post. We want so bad to find our other half that we settle for someone that ends up only filling up a quarter. There is no shame in this, it's safe to say everyone has done it at least once. Once you recognize it, stop it. It's getting you nowhere.

What I'm meaning to tackle today is people that so obnoxiously look for it in the wrong places then turn around and blame others for their heartache. No one likes the "All men are pigs" girl and we're sick of listening to the "Girls are just hoes" guy. We've heard it all, and we don't really agree, despite our nodding heads of approval.

I understand that you have probably been hurt, fine. We all have. But chances are that if you have been hurt by a legitimate relationship, you aren't out belittling the opposite sex and stereotyping them all as farm animals. If you are looking so hard for this true love that you're putting your net out every second of every day, guess what? You're going to catch some bad ones. You can't expect the girl you met over dollar shot night at the bar to be the one you take home for Christmas. The sweaty guy at your gym that watches you work out, and asks for your number on a daily basis is probably not the future father of your children. If you have to convince yourself that someone is a good idea...they aren't.

Here are some things I have legitimately heard from friends:

"Well he seems really nice, I was really drunk and he didn't even try anything"
-Wow, he didn't take advantage of a sloppy mess, that's husband material right there. I mean, come on. Someone not having sex with you is not a legitimate reason to go out with them.

"She told me she got cheated on too so she'd never do anything like that."
-If being mutually cheated on is grounds for a relationship, I know at least fifty people I should be dating right now. Besides, if she has to blatantly tell you this, doesn't that raise a few flags?

"He's pre-med so he's smart, he'll be successful when he graduates."
-Screech the brakes on the crazy train sister. You should NEVER date someone for what they could be, or are going to be. You are with the present. Besides, I know plenty of geniuses with degrees that are living off canned soup in their parents basements.

"Her parents have money, so..."
-Stop, just don't. If you have ever uttered something along these lines slap yourself on the wrist right now.

"He says he's never been like this with anyone so quickly, and he's really hot."
-You know what else is hot? The STD's you're going to end up with for falling for that line. Dropping lines like this screams that someone is just trying to get you to drop something else..


There are plenty more lines that we have all heard or maybe even said ourselves. The truth is, if you have to talk yourself into being interested in someone..you aren't. Wait for the person that needs no rationalizing. If there's no spark in their smile, static in their touch, and butterflies in their eyes then they aren't worth your time. I speak for all friends when I say this, we aren't surprised the Romeo you picked up doing body shots at Mardi Gras broke your heart. Perhaps you shouldn't have given it to him in the first place. From now on, stop and think before you give your time and feelings to someone. If you have to convince others, and more importantly yourself, that someone is a good idea..they aren't.
Don't give a second of your time to someone who doesn't deserve you, that time should be given to the person who will cherish every moment of it.

all you are is mean.

I got several responses to yesterday's post. One was surprisingly negative, which is to be expected on a subject such as the one I wrote about. Believe it or not, I appreciate all feedback. However, I originally started this blog as a way to get my thoughts out, an online diary if you will. It has since turned into a sort of online diary for a lot of people. A place where they can come and see that they aren't alone in their feelings or outlooks, and maybe even gain new insight into a problem they are having. For that reason, all Debbie Downer comments will be read and taken in by me, then promptly deleted. I try to keep positivity going here and no one reading probably appreciates being told their feelings "aren't right."

Also, just to clear up any contradictions I may have made, yesterday's post was not meant to be read as a "WOE IS ME" post. It was written from a perspective I felt some of you could relate to with the things you have told me you're going through. If you have any doubts on my thoughts on life, reread the "Your Life" post while listening to the song Walking on Sunshine. Nothing has changed, still happy ole me!

On that note, today I am going to write about a very simple topic. People who are mean. I think people find "mean"to be a very juvenile term, but if you think about it, some people are just that..downright mean. Personally, I think darn near all people from the ages 12-16 (give or take a few years) are meanies. It's just a stage everyone seems to go through. Call it teen angst perhaps. You're mad at the world because you haven't grown into your body, boys or girls are confusing, and middle school is the lost circle of hell that Dante forgot to mention. We get it, and don't worry you'll probably grow out of it once the hormones balance out. I'll be the first one to admit I was a raging ball of rude in those years. I wouldn't have called myself the stereotypical Regina George, I was more so a Janice Ian. But guess what? I grew up.

What I'm talking about is adults. Those of us who make the blatant decision on a daily basis to just be mean. I'm here to tell you, stop it. My Grandma Nancy has always told me, as I'm sure most of our Grandmas have, "If you can't say anything nice don't say anything at all." Perhaps in Sunday School you were told to, "Treat others as you wish to be treated." Catchy sayings like these have been shoved in our faces all of our lives, so why is it so hard as mature adults to just take them in and do as we're told?

I know for a fact I am no saint, mean happens. No one goes through life riding on a rainbow with everyone in the world loving them. Unless you're Mother Theresa...but in our current society I highly doubt we have many of those running around. You're going to get mad sometimes, you're going to say things to hurt the people you care about, I realize this. Odds are you're going to calm down and apologize. You're human.
BUT, a lot of people I encounter these days aren't mad, they don't apologize, they are just plain hateful. My question is, What are you gaining from acting this way? This isn't high school anymore, you have no excuses to be treating others badly. I know that we all live with private battles; maybe body image, family issues, love problems, anything. Some tough love here, those aren't excuses either. The general public isn't causing those problems. Even if your sour behavior is solely directed at the people who cause these issues, it isn't going to make them stop. All it is going to accomplish is the creation of a miserable chain.

Trust me when I say that making other people happy is the greatest thing you can do to improve your own happiness. Don't believe me? Make someone smile with you. Right now. Two people sharing a smile or laugh is one of life's simplest joys. Also one of life's greatest. Something as easy and quick as telling the cashier at the convenience store to have a great day, or going outside the norms of small talk with a stranger can not only improve their day, but also yours.

On the contrary, being an a' hole rarely does anything for anyone. I'm a waitress at a pretty busy restaurant so naturally I deal with plenty of grouchy people. I don't know if they enjoy being rude, or perhaps it is just their nature, but either way..it doesn't affect my day one bit. I put on a smile and walk off to the next table hoping someone there will have a little sunnier disposition. Point being: if you are trying to make yourself feel better by dragging other people into misery with you..it probably isn't going to work. You'll still be in a bad mood, and whoever you just sassed off to will just think you're an idiot.

All i'm trying to say is that as far as I can tell, there is absolutely nothing to gain by being mean. If you have something hateful to say, listen to Grandma Nancy and keep it to yourself. You have too many smiles to share, laughs to experience, and moods to change to waste your time being someone no one wants to be around.

Never doubt that a small group of thoughtful, committed citizens can change the world. Indeed, it is the only thing that ever has.

"L" is for the way you look at me..

I would like to think that my posts are typically well written. Yes, I may write in circles; but I usually bring it all in to make a profound point that I have been thinking about and wanting to share with all of you. I assume my random ideas are well interpreted because of the reply emails I get thanking me for my perspective after each post. But, who knows.
Today, however I have a disclaimer.

This post will not be all brought together to make a profound point.
Actually, it may not have a point.

Not having an opinion or solid stance on something is strange for me. The topic of this blog in which I am so fuzzy on, is love. Now I think people rarely have a concrete standpoint on love, mostly because it is so misunderstood and interpreted so differently. Now, we aren't talking about family love, or how you feel about your pet here. I'm talking love. Between a two people, and no one else. But hold on, before you continue reading, let me tell you something. I have always been a hopeless romantic. As a child I had the idea in my head that every person has that one other person in life that is their true love. Just one. I grew up with divorced parents, so perhaps that is why I was so determined to believe in this ideal true love business. Maybe we should blame the fact that I constantly had my nose in novels from the eighteenth century. Appropriate reading for a preteen, yes? I was a strange child, let's just go with it. As we get older, though, we start to realize that we will have many loves. I had a couple of these "loves" in high school, like most people do. But in retrospect, is that the kind of love we spend forever with? No. Which is okay. We learn from those relationships and use the skills gained for the next time we find ourselves in that "pit of your stomach dropping out" feeling. I've been lucky to still call those few friends, which I think is a huge part of growing up as well as a blessing; learning how to put someone who was once the center of your teenage world somewhere in your current world and it be okay.When speaking of people that I could call any time of day or night, two of the aforementioned are on the list.

But what gets tricky is the first real love. The one that stops your breathing, changes your life, and knocks you straight on your ass. Makes you want to improve your future and forget your past. This is where I am puzzled. I've experienced this knock down, drag out love and it wasn't exactly what I expected. All throughout my life I thought the first time I felt this, it would be the last time. Yet that is not the case I'm finding out. I will spare you the details but, it obviously ended...I was heartbroken and he had moved on, quickly. Quicker then we had broken up, actually. But here's the thing. I'm not mad. I hold no resentment. I actually still wish to talk to him daily. I believe that when you selflessly love someone it never stops. If you get cheated on and pull a Carrie Underwoodesque destruction of property...maybe you need to reevaluate the love you felt in the first place. Love isn't selfish. Love doesn't need revenge. It needs healing. I would still do anything for this person, regardless of whether or not he would do the same.

Anyway I'll save my opinions of the misconstruction of love for another post, what I'm getting at is where do you go from that love when you've believed your entire life you should only have one? What if sometimes true love just doesn't match up? You may find yours in someone but you just aren't it for them. Don't get me wrong here, I'm not saying plan your wedding at the first "I love you," but when you can see a future with someone for the first time and that gets taken away. It's scary. Also for the record, this isn't written off a fresh break-up. I've tried it with other people, and it works for a little bit, but eventually you realize it isn't working. It isn't genuine. They aren't him/her. Simple as that. But after you have so much time away from this person, so much pain caused by this person and the feelings don't change, it is confusing. Oh, and also frightening. I'm not looking to find a husband in the near future, nor am I one of those "have to have a relationship" sort of girls that we all know so well. So why is it I feel a void for the first time in my life? I'm independent. I've never needed anyone. I find happiness in literally everything. Basically I've always been a "put on your big girl pants and get back on the horse" kind of person, so all of this is beyond me.

This person committed the worst crime you can commit in a relationship aside from an actual legal crime and yet I still feel the need to have him in my life. I've realized when you care for someone, you're blinded from the bad side of them. Even if it's right in your face, you refuse to give up on finding the good.

There's always the glimmer of hope the person you see will eventually become all there is. There's always the chance, that person doesn't exist.

Ain't love grand?