if I only had a brain.

One of my favorite things about this blog is the fact that I have the freedom to say whatever I want. It is the most perfect form of an outlet. At first I felt uncomfortable with the fact that there was nowhere to hide. But  honestly, that is the greatest thing about writing. It's raw. Words are thoughts. Thoughts are feelings. Everything you read on this page is a direct string plucked from my very being. I keep the style casual because my readers are my friends and that is what I do here, talk to my friends. Sometimes the things I have to say show vulnerability and my callous nature; I don't hide behind anonymity. You all know who it is that is speaking to you through these poorly punctuated sentences..me. My face is right at the top of the page for lord's sake.

I love hearing from you guys. The texts, emails, and comments I receive mean so much to me because it fills my heart knowing that I am helping someone feel a little less alone. Of course, where there is love for me..there is also hate for me. I actually don't mind, I still love those of you who disagree with me and let me know. I have had several conversations with people over disagreements with the things I say here. But every time I feel we both walk away with a little bit of understanding for the others' views. I love that. That my friends, is called a grown up conversation.

With that being said, don't leave hacked up, hateful, anonymous comments to me. If you want to remain unnamed because you don't want your ex to read that you too, are still in love with them, that is completely fine. I am the one who chooses for my name to be on this page, you don't have to. Though, if you are hiding behind a computer screen to sling insults and half witted comments, take that bologna to MySpace. This is an outlet. A place for others and myself to express thoughts and feelings in order to gain emotional freedom and insight; not to be judged and told their feelings are wrong. If you want to let me know on my last post that no one will ever love me while I am still sucking all my exes, that is fine. But have the figurative balls to put a name to it. I will gladly publish it.

hemingway?

Okay, now don't quote me on this but I want to say it was Hemingway that is known to have said "Write drunk, edit sober." Well folks, that is what I am doing this evening. Sometimes you just have to let your inhibitions down and say what you feel. Although I think it is a well-known fact that I do this even whilst sober. Oh well. It may turn out that I just make even less sense than usual when my BAC is up. Le us see, shall we? Today I would like us to talk about exes.



My question is, what in the hell is the big deal? I am just sitting here unpacking my room, (I recently moved, come on over y'all!) and finding loads upon loads of old memories. Pictures, ticket stubs, letters, etc. If I found an old picture of Krissy and I, we would be laughing at it and sharing "remember whens." Why is it different when it is someone you have been with? Just because you have a conversation with someone does not mean you are automatically betrothed. I could see if you are one of the hot messes that texts things like "I LOUVE YOU PLEESE COME OVERRS" to your former lovers, but if it is far enough behind in a life stage who even cares? If I wanted you so badly I wouldn't have let you go in the first place. But I did, because sometimes people are meant to live a parallel life while others are meant to cross your path for a short while then carry on their merry way. I think as adults we accept this.

I love every single person I have dated. I wouldn't get back with a single one. Contradictory? Actually, no.
The one thing that really attracted me to the person in the first place never leaves. I will forever love our chemistry. The way you made me laugh. Your body, sorry but I had a shallow time in my life, sue me. Your musical tastes. Your sincerity. Our ability to flawlessly converse. Your drunken temper. Your inability to keep it in your pants. Your wishy washy decisions.Your disrespect. Your refusal to commit. While you, you're just plain dumb. Some things never change.

Why isn't it acceptable to continue to love these things, only in a different light? I can still appreciate someone's good qualities without wanting to jump their bones and breed their children. I think it is a childish notion to believe that two people are more apt to end up together simply because they have been in the past. Especially considering that the way young adults are these days, they will bump uglies without the knowledge of even a last name. With that being said, [perhaps you should be more leery of the strangers your significant other comes in contact with than the known former ball and chains.

Every one of my ex boyfriends could call me at four am needing anything in the world and I would be there. Because to me, when someone makes an impact on your life, no matter how small...it makes them matter. Why does being considerate have to have ulterior motives? Keep in mind that not everyone in the world fits the stereotype society puts them in. Your girlfriend's ex wasn't trying to bend her over when he brought her home from the bar. When your boyfriend's ex texts about a random thought/question, it doesn't mean she is trying to marry him. Appreciate your past; it will help you accept your future.

coddle buddy.

I will openly admit it, I am a little rough around the edges. I am a very passionate person. I have a sharp tongue and I don't feel the need to censor myself nine times out of ten. However, I am generally a nice person.

Anyone coming in contact with me at any given time has at least a few chances to show me who they are with no judgments passed or assumptions made. But let me be the first to say I have been pulling back the reigns on the niceties I usually offer people. Perhaps it is just the group I surround myself with on a day to day basis, perhaps others have felt my frustration, but...people are ridiculous. What happened to accountability? Work ethic? Honesty? Respect?
The lack of people which actually contain these ideals is astounding.

My parents were not shining examples of perfection; but I was raised to understand the value of things such as a job, making your own way, independence, and hard work. I lived the life of a Huxtable, not a Banks. What confuses me the most is that I was a child through the nineties-two thousands, not the fifties. What exactly is your excuse? We were raised in the same generation and financial class yet you act like you have no idea how to function in society. I'm sorry Paris, would you like me to teach you how to balance that checkbook?

I work in a very casual, easy to function environment with the highest turnaround of any place I've ever seen. Do you know why? Because people just flat out don't think they should have to do their jobs.
"I have to clean? I quit." "You're scheduling me on a day I want to drink? I'm not showing up"
I'm sorry...what?! I have been working for a very long time, because that is what normal human beings do. Pay their bills. Earn money to buy the things they want and pay for the comforts we all expect in this country.

People are lazy, because we allow them to be. Kids don't understand things, because we don't make them. Teenagers don't have work ethic, because they don't need to. How about a little more tough love and a less coddling? How about a little faith that people can in fact do things for themselves?