Lately I have been attempting to change myself. Not completely, but in small ways.
I want to be a more beautiful person.
To me there is a large difference between pretty and beautiful. Anyone can change their appearance, I'm changing my soul. Not to say there is anything wrong with my inside, but everyone has personality flaws and plenty of room for improvement. I aim to eliminate as many as I can. The catch is, I'm molding myself to my own standards of beautiful. Many changes people won't notice and I am happy with that.
I am writing this post in Steak 'n Shake. Table forty-one, party of one, seat number one. If you have not yet caught on, I am dining alone. I've decided eating alone is something all beautiful people should do, and often. Keep in mind my definition of beautiful. Solo dining is not glamorous or mysterious. Unlike an indie movie or a late night teen drama, no ruggedly handsome dark eyed stranger has come my way. Stefani, my waitress seems to hover however. Almost in pity for the young girl, party of one...seat one. Usually a person of her position would bother me, but her greetings and "are you still doing okays?" seem genuine so with her every visit to the table I smile warmly and nod.
When I sat down beneath the red neon signs at the small table meant for two I felt strange. After all I had never done this before. But as I watch the crowd I begin to feel like a part of the harsh and cliche red, black, and white scenery.
I wonder what the guests of the Comfort Suites next door are doing and what brings them to town. I wonder if the tall bald manager will ask me to kindly end my loitering, I have now been here for and hour and a half writing feverishly in a notebook and reading. Somewhere in the back of my mind an urgent yet ignored thought sounds off, finite class. The family beside me seems to be having a very intensely serious conversation that reaches my ears in broken bits. "Regardless, we have to deal with this situation, I'm serious."
The blue eyed man named Robert is the one whose "memories of it are still just pissing him off." I start to feel the conversation is far too personal for a lone stranger to eavesdrop on and change my activity to watching the dark birds contrast against the gray sky.
Stefani's shift is over, a less friendly worker takes her place. Robert is still hostile. A light-bearded man with a single bag enters the Comfort Suites. I feel my dining experience come to a close and gather my things. I am informed at the counter my milkshake will be full price because "you waited too long to check out, Happy Hour ended half an hour ago..." point taken from the grill boy in the paper hat. I waited too long.
I think I will eat alone more often.
2 comments:
I totally agree about eating out alone sometimes. I think it's good for everyone to do every now and then. Next, try going to the movies alone. I did this once when I lived in South Carolina. It's a totally different experience. Better yet, go alone on valentine's day...that's when I went. my roommates had plans and living hundreds of miles from Nick, I went to a movie alone. On Valentine's Day. I think you learn a lot about yourself when you go alone. Good for you, learning this already. Happy solo dining!
I think I just might do that! I really enjoyed it. After the first jump into doing it people just might love it as we did. Thanks for the suggestion :]
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