big fish.

As much as I hate, no, despise admitting this...I have been voluntarily sucked into a small town rut. I'd like to say that this rut is specific to my hometown but to be completely honest I feel that every rural area has the same black hole effect. Now when I use the word voluntarily I do not mean consciously. That's the thing about getting sucked into the vortex that is Charleston, IL..you don't realize it is happening until it's damn near too late.
Let me explain what I mean by vortex. My grandparents grew up in the place locally known as "The Chuck, " as did my mother..and father, aunts, uncles, you get the point. The majority of people who grow up around here, stay around here. Which is completely fine. I have been lucky to grow up in an area that is a great place to have a life and raise a family.

But..

The life and options that Charleston offer are never what I wanted for myself.

Admittedly, kids who grow up around rural areas aren't given many of the options that kids in larger areas are given. There aren't high schools that condition us from the ninth grade to succeed in college. We go to schools on ridiculous public budgets with trash cans collecting leaks in the hallways, teachers that hate their jobs, and whose idea of college prep is handing out one-page practice ACT tests junior year. I can count on one hand the educators I have had throughout my entire life that maybe impacted my life in a positive way. We have little to no access or education on things such as internships, or even all of our career options as adults. I could write for hours about how ill-prepared many Charleston High School students are for the real world but that isn't exactly my issue here, nor my excuse.

What I'm wondering is why I gave up. I graduated from high school early to start my career off as soon as possible. Public Relations was the name of my game. I was going to get the hell out of dodge as soon as humanly possible.

When graduating high school I was the assistant manager at a retail store with a very successful and promising promotion track. Was it what I wanted? No. But I let those around me influence my choice into settling in to what was easy, rather than what I wanted. The deadline for my tuition deposit at my preferred university came and went, I sent nothing. That was it. I had made my choice. I started classes at the local community college and continued training at my store. Funny thing about stifling dreams though, they tend to creep back up and make you resent every single thing in your life you are currently settling for.

I quit the store. I stopped taking the classes.

Surprised? I wasn't.

Fast forward through a slump of being a bum more or less and here we are. I am by no means an unhappy person. I love my life despite it's current speed of going nowhere. Up until recently I was perfectly content with "I'll go back to school soon."

Now I don't know about you but sometimes I need to find a quiet place, with no notifications, tweets, or texts, and just think. I almost always have life changing epiphanies in these moments.

Truth is, you can put off your goals forever if you'd like. Honestly...no one cares. I could be a waitress/receptionist for the rest of my life and it wouldn't make a difference. The question you need to ask yourself is whether or not you're okay with settling into a life rather than choosing it. My answer to that question is absolutely not. Stop making excuses for yourself. You can legitimize literally anything inside of your own head, that will do nothing for you beside make you feel better about turning your back on your dreams. I realize it may seem easier to have this perspective as a nineteen year old, at times even I think it may be too late. I often feel behind, and I understand how easy it is to become discouraged and fall right back into the settling that I am trying to get you to avoid. But it isn't.
Even in the year that I have put off setting my life into motion I feel like I've gained so much insight and wisdom into what I want out of my future. Don't follow other people's time line.

Again, this is your life and yours only.

You make the choices. You make the changes. You live with yourself every single day.
Don't choose to live any one of those days with regrets.

courtesy of the red white and blue.

First and foremost, Happy Veteran's day! I am very lucky to know so many great men and women I can say that to. I am proud of you each and every day. I love driving down Lincoln and looking at the names on literally every telephone pole and smiling at the fact that almost every one is a familiar face. If any of you live in Charleston and had to be at work early this morning you saw the two young boys, I believe they were boy scouts, putting American Flags on each one of those very same poles. I don't care who you are, that warms the heart.

Holidays like today always get me thinking...and you know when I get to thinking..I get to blogging. Thinking about how for most of my generation Veteran's Day is just another meaningless holiday to post a quick Facebook status about, or maybe get out of school or work for. This saddens me. I realize our country has more than it's fair share of problems, but the lack of respect that so many people have for our veterans and our country is absolutely ridiculous. You don't agree with our President? You disagree with where our soldiers are now? Fine, you are perfectly able to voice those opinions. Disagreeing with something does not give you the right to disrespect it. You think that when our Grandparents were younger they would have slapped a ONE BIG ASS MISTAKE AMERICA bumper sticker on the back of their car? Helll no. Because there used to be such a thing as patriotism. I realize our country has done plenty of things to make having pride in it a little more difficult, fine, touche. I agree. If you want to put ignorant redneck bumper stickers all over everything you own...go for it. I just don't particularly understand why it seems to be the cool new thing among young people to hate America while sitting on your butt and doing nothing to change anything. I really appreciate that you believe you can solve all of our government's problems by writing a Tweet or Facebook status, now how about you do something with your views that will actually make a difference?

Look at Vietnam, I disagree with a lot of things that happened on the protesting front, but at least those people weren't sitting on their asses and complaining about things they know nothing about and would rather not learn anything about. They believed they were losing their America, and they wanted it back. I ask of my generation, "What is our America?" A group of whiny, uneducated, spoiled brats that think nothing of bad mouthing the men and women that give them the very right to do so. That seems to be our America.

It absolutely kills me when people talk negatively about the Armed Forces. I've heard everything from calling them uneducated to unnecessary. You know what I have to say to that? How about you go enlist. Better yet, go tell your opinions to a woman who has been widowed at twenty three. Tell a mother who will never see her daughter again. Why don't you go tell a little boy that his daddy died so people like you could fling around ignorant statements. Walk a woman down the aisle who never got to meet her father. Even better, go tell your views to a soldier that watched his brother take his last breath, for you.

I guess I have gotten a little off topic here, I could go on for pages upon pages about what I think of the majority of my generation. But I won't. What I am trying to say here is, next time you want to "fit in" and sling an insult at our military, think of what you're really saying. I guarantee you that if you really knew what you were talking about...you would feel like the biggest jackass this side of the globe. We all disagree with a lot of things, our government, the mess that we call the economy, hippies on Wall Street, sex, drugs, rock and roll...there is more than enough reason to do so. All I ask is that you keep the men and women that are fighting for their America out of your negative opinions. If not, at least remember who is allowing you to keep talking.